


Bugger Off - No Wait Don't

by BarPurple



Series: Writer's Block [5]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, F/M, First Meetings, Inspired by Music, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:36:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7761766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by Bugger Off by The Real McKenzies.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Bugger Off by The Real McKenzies.

They’d played three encores. Rum’s fingers were going numb on the strings of his guitar. Dave gave him a huge grin and strummed the agreed final, final finale. Rum laughed and broke into the notes of their cover of the The Real McKenzies. The audience cheered as Killian sang.

“Well bugger off…”

Rum and Dave crowded his shoulders to sing the chorus into his mike. Instead of taking the second verse Killian thrust the mike at Rum with a cocky wink. Rum faltered for a beat, but David covered it with an unscheduled replay of the last chords, the audience didn’t notice and kept drunkenly shout-singing the chorus again, which gave Killian enough time to cover the mike and whisper in Rum’s ear; “Sing it to that hot brunette.”

Rum swore under his breath, Killian and Dave had been trying to get him laid for months. They’d pulled this stunt before and he’d backed away with a shake of his head and played the notes for the next verse leaving Killian to mug it up with the hopeful ladies in the audience, but tonight, well, tonight he caught the eye of the petite brunette to stage left and went for it.

He knew it wouldn’t sound as sweet as Killian’s soft Irish lilt when he sang it in his rough Glaswegian, but he locked eyes with the woman who’d held his attention for the entire gig and tried;

“And here’s to all the smokin’ bitches waiting for the band, and thinkin’ mabbe one of them might make a one night stand. Well please don’t take offence because this song isnna for you. I’ll be happy to oblige you when this feckin’ shite is thru.”

David and Killian surged forward into the next chorus and Rum felt his face flush red. Had he really just made that personal? Shite; he had and with the way he’d leered at her there was no way that she could miss his fucking blatant invitation. That sort of crap worked for David or Killian, but Rum knew he was the ugly one in the band. He got through the rest of the song before he looked up again. She was gone. Well, at least this gave him evidence to tell the other two to feck off if they tried to encourage him again.

As usual Killian and Dave were swamped by an eager hoard of hopefuls as they left the stage; Rum had plenty of time to stow his guitar in its case and slip away to the shitty little backroom they used as a dressing room. He shouldn’t complain, it was a good thing they had going here, but tonight the lonely walk through the arse end of the club felt worse than usual. 

“Did you mean it, or was that just the performance?”

The lilting accent from the shadows had him stumbling over his own feet.

“What the fucking bastard hells, what sort of mad fucker creeps up on a man in the fucking…oh…oh hello. Erm. What?”

The little brunette from the audience stepped forward; Rum briefly caught the shy smile on her face before he was lost in eyes bluer than the Rangers kit. He struggled to remember her question and swallowed hard as her words came back to him.

“I, erm, fuck, for you lass, I meant every word. Except I don’t think you a smokin’ bitch, I mean you are smoking hot, but not a bitch, erm, oh fuck.”

Rum raked his fingers through his hair and cursed his entire existence. What the hell had he done to be saddled with such fucking useless patter around the ladies? 

He jumped as soft fingers rubbed against the hand that gripped his guitar case. He peeked through his fringe and found a warm smile waiting for him.

“Do you want to go for a coffee? Chat for a bit, see it what’s going on here is more than eye sex at a great gig?”

He lifted his head and looked at her properly; she was blushing, and just as nervous as him.

“Coffee sounds grand. I’m Rum.”

She squeezed his hand.

“I’m Belle.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For CrossingInStyle who suggested a Belle POV

Belle sipped at her drink. She was going to kill Ruby for standing her up. The first band was terrible, but she’d said she would help write a review for the local music rag, so here she was trying to thinking up nice things to say about them without her best friend here to share the cutting remarks she wanted to make. She glared at her phone again in case Ruby had suddenly decided to make an appearance. Nothing, not a damn thing, Belle was close to walking out of the door when the headliners for the night walked on to the stage. A dark haired man swaggered confidently up to the main mike and shouted; “Get the beer in, we’ll be rocking you in a minute!”

She guessed he was the lead singer, and he was pretty enough she supposed, but he clearly knew it and that was enough for Belle to call the night a loss and make something up for the review, but her work ethic kicked in and she stood her ground. She looked over to the bar and caught Robin’s eye, nodding for another drink. Robin was a friend of Ruby’s and had made it clear that her money was no good here tonight. She knew he was hoping for a good review so it wasn’t too much of a surprise when he brought her drink in person.

“I think you’ll like them Belle.”

Robin managed to say this to her as he dropped her drink off and whirled away to flirt and take the orders of the giggling women at the next table. Belle wriggled on her stool and ran a critical eye over the band setting up on the stage. There were three guys on the stage, the pretty boy and another tall blonde guy, Belle squinted against the stage lights but she couldn’t clearly make out the third guy who was setting up for lead guitar. She did note that he wasn’t as tall as the other two and that caught her attention. She rolled her eyes at herself and shook her head, that wasn’t something she could put in her review; nobody gave a damn about the height of the band members. She’d only noticed because without her heals she was such a short arse. Pretty Boy stepped up to the mike and Belle braced herself for the set to start.

She had to admit she’d not been expecting them to start with pirate metal cover, she only recognised it because Ruby had a thing for Alestorm. Although there was something pirate like about the lead singer, it took Belle a moment to see it, but then it dawned on her, Pretty Boy was missing a hand, his prosthetic covered it well, but the more she looked the more she was sure that it was a fake. She felt awkward for having focused on something that marked him as different. It didn’t make him any less of a singer, and he had a hell of a pair of pipes on him, fuck she was over thinking this. Damn it, she shook her head and turned her attention to the lead guitarist and her breath stopped in her chest. Wow, his eyes were stunning, honey gold heaven. Bugger that was another perfect phrase she couldn’t use in her review. She tried to look at something else but her eyes kept locking on to him. 

“Rum is the reason pirates never ruled the world”

Hell, she hadn’t been keeping note of the set list. What the hell, he hadn’t shifted his eyes from her so why shouldn’t she enjoy the view? She told herself that this was just the side of the stage he looked at when he was performing, that lie kept her going until the final encore. Belle cussed herself she couldn’t remember anything other than the colours dancing around the lead guitar, she’d had this problem at gigs before, her synaesthesia was the reason she’d never written a gig review on her own before, Ruby was so getting an angry text, this was her fault. Belle swigged the last of her drink down and got ready to get out of the club when the band struck up a song she knew.

“Well bugger off…”

She had to laugh; this was after all the best song to end the night with. Pretty Boy sang the first verse and played it up beautifully when it came to the chorus. If she didn’t know the song she wouldn’t have noticed the rapid replay of the chorus that happened on stage. Pretty Boy said something to the cracking guitarist and then Belle’s heart stopped, those golden eyes met hers and a voice that made every sinful part of her quiver sang:

“And here’s to all the smokin’ bitches waiting for the band, and thinkin’ mabbe one of them might make a one night stand. Well please don’t take offence because this song isnna for you. I’ll be happy to oblige you when this feckin’ shite is thru.”

Oh my, had he just sang that to her? No of course he hadn’t, look at the way he’d ducked his head to hide behind his hair, this just happened to be the side of the stage he looked at when he…. oh what the fuck, do the brave thing for once in your life. Belle looked at her feet as they carried her back stage, what the hell was she doing? She dodged past the crowd and took a wrong turn for the loos, Ruby had told her the lay out of the club in case she needed a quick exit. For once in her life her claustrophobia was doing her a favour. It was just the show; there was no way that the golden guitarist felt anything for her. Belle was ready to run for the door when she heard footsteps come her way. Bugger, oh well, she was here now. Yeah that was the guitarist walking toward her, Belle took a deep breath.

“Did you mean it, or was that just the performance?”

Her heart lurched in her chest, partly because she couldn’t believe she’d just said that and partly because he’d just tripped over his feet.

“What the fucking bastard hells, what sort of mad fucker creeps up on a man in the fucking…oh…oh hello. Erm. What?”

It dawned on her she was standing in a shadow and that wasn’t the best way to announced herself, so she moved into the light. His eyes shone under the crappy light, bloody hell, he really was that handsome and he was looking at her face not her chest; that was different.

“I, erm, fuck, for you lass, I meant every word. Except I don’t think you a smokin’ bitch, I mean you are smoking hot, but not a bitch, erm, oh fuck.”

She almost laughed at him, but he scrubbed a hand through his hair and groaned. He was as nervous as she was. She wanted to be brave, so she reached out and grabbed the hand that held his guitar case. She felt even braver when he peeked up through his fringe. In her mind Ruby told her that she had to take charge, so she did.

“Do you want to go for a coffee? Chat for a bit, see it what’s going on here is more than eye sex at a great gig?”

She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.

“Coffee sounds grand. I’m Rum.”

She squeezed his hand.

“I’m Belle.”


	3. Chapter 3

Rum chucked his keys in the bowl by the door and wandered slowly into the kitchen to find Killian eating cornflakes. 

“Morning, I bought more milk.”

Killian gave a jaw cracking yawn as Rum stowed the milk in the fridge and filled the kettle. Once he could speak again Killian said; “Good, I used the last of it in my coffee.”

Rum peered into Killian’s cereal bowl, whatever the cornflakes were floating in certainly wasn’t milk. Killian caught his enquiring look and shrugged.

“It’s beer, we had plenty of that.”

Rum just rolled his eyes and started making himself a cuppa; he hesitated over the teabags before opening the cabinet and fishing the box of decaf from the back, he honestly thought decaf tea was an abomination, but he’d had an insane amount of caffeine since the gig last night. He was aware that Killian was watching him carefully; he probably had time to make his tea, cook a full fry up and have a shower before any questions happened. Killian was not the most on the ball person first thing in the morning.

“Is this you just getting in?”

Except this morning apparently, Rum just grunted at him, hoping he would drop it for now.

“DAVE! DAVE! Get in here!”

Dave came stumbling out of the bathroom, dripping everywhere as he hitched his towel around his waist.

“Killian I swear if there’s another bloody spider…” David gave Rum a quick glance, he was considerably more on the ball than Killian, “Are those the clothes you wore last night Rum?”

There was no getting away from his flatmates now, Rum didn’t even need to look at Killian to know there was a cocky grin on his face. There was no shame in where he’d spent last night, he’d just been wanting to keep it to himself for a while longer. The guys were staring at him, so he gave up and answered both questions he’d been asked in the hopes of getting through this interrogation quicker.

“Yes, this is me just getting home, so yes these are the clothes I wore last night.”

Dave hopped from one foot to the other waving his free hand around.

“Let me get dressed, do not spill a single detail until I’m back.”

He disappeared into his room, which left Rum waiting tight lipped as Killian munched his beered up cornflakes with a smirk on his face. Rum nodded at Killian’s breakfast of champions and asked; “How can you eat that?”

Killian rubbed at his ear with his stump, he’d not gotten round to putting his prosthetic on yet this morning.

“Not sure, mate, seemed like a good idea at the time. One more thing off the bucket list I guess.”

“Your bucket list is bizarre.”

David rushed back into the kitchen, now dressed in sweats and a tee-shirt, still towelling his hair dry as he threw himself onto the bar stool next to Killian. He wrinkled his nose at Killian’s breakfast.

“Beer on cornflakes really?”

Killian pointed at Rum with his spoon.

“More important things going on here, mate.”

Rum shifted uncomfortably against the counter as he became the focal point of David and Killian’s gaze.

“So, where have you been all night?”

“Coffee shop, until it shut at two, then back to Belle’s place.”

“Would Belle happen to be the very attractive brunette from the gig?”

“Yes.”

David rolled his eyes, “Bloody hell this is like pulling teeth. Did you have a good time Rum?”

“Did you use protection?”

“Piss off Killian! I didn’t sleep with her,” There was no real bite in his tone and he couldn’t help but smile as he recalled the night, “We didn’t sleep at all, we just talked all night, which is why I’m gonna drink my disgusting decaf tea and crash out for a few hours.”

Rum strode away to his room, before he shut the door he heard Killian say; “He had a good time, did you see that dreamy look on his face when he talked about her?”

Rum closed the door before he heard David’s response to that. Killian was right, Rum had had a very good time last night, he was still floating on the high of having spent all night in the company of an intelligent, beautiful woman, who against all reason had taken his phone number and said she’d call him later. He had this irrational feeling that if he talked about it anymore with Dave and Killian it would jinx it somehow and he’s never see her again. The yawn he’d been fighting back since he said good morning to Killian finally hit and Rum collapsed face first on to his bed, a faint smile on his lips.

 

It was near noon when Belle rolled out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom. She’d fallen asleep with a smile and was still smiling after her shower as she made some coffee. Rum had been an adorable wreck when the coffee shop shut and she’d invited him back to her place. He’d accepted after he’d made it clear that he wasn’t expecting anything, he just wanted to keep talking to her. She wouldn’t have said no to a bit of kissing, but he seemed too shy. 

They’d talked all night, about the gig and his band to start with, then moved on to her work at the book store, he mentioned his day job restoring antiques, but quickly turned the conversation back to books, which Belle could never get enough of. She knew at one point she’d babbled on endlessly about Gregory Maguire and his reinterpretations of the classic fairy tales, Rum had listened with a smile on his face and asked questions that just kept her going on the subject; he honestly seemed interested and made a note of the titles on his phone. Belle’s smile grew as she recalled the hopeful look on his face when she handed him one of the bookshop’s cards and insisted that he drop by if he decided to buy one. 

The sun had come up bathing her apartment in a rosy glow before they noticed the time. Rum had reluctantly said he should head home, Belle had walked him to the door and kissed him goodbye. It was a chaste sort of kiss, but he’d looked stunned and stammered his thanks for a wonderful time before saying goodbye.  
Belle had finished her review of last night’s gig before Ruby called her.

“What happened to you last night?”

There was a faint hint of the anger that Belle had felt about being stood up, but it was softened by how her night had turned out.

“I’m so sorry Belle, Granny took a tumble and my phone died….”

Belle interrupted her friend’s apology.

“Is Granny alright?”

“Yeah, hurt her pride more than anything, but I made her go to the hospital because she’d banged her head. How did the gig go?”

“Oh it was great, just finished my review, should be in your email now. Ruby, yes or no?”

This was a game the two of them played often although it was usually Ruby using Belle as an informed coin toss.

“Oh, is this work or fun?”

“Fun.”

“Shopping or man?”

“Man.”

“Nice guy?”

“Very nice guy.”

“Then the answer is yes. I got to run Granny’s shouting for me. Let me know how the yes turns out?”

“Will do Rubes. Give Granny my love.”

“Bye Belles. Be safe.”

Belle ended the call and blew out a long slow breath. Ruby was very open-minded, but even she might be a bit surprised if she knew the details of Belle’s plan.


	4. Chapter 4

Rum was just drifting awake as his hip started to vibrate. It took him a moment to work out that it was his phone ringing, still on silent from the gig last night. He cursed under his breath as he pulled it from his pocket and swiped the screen to answer before he’d taken a look at the caller ID.

“Hello.”

“Hi Rum, it’s Belle. Did I wake you?”

Rum wasn’t sure if he’d ever sat up as fast in his entire life.

“Hey Belle, you didn’t wake me … well I was almost awake, anyway, erm, how are you?”

She giggled at him and he grinned like a fool.

“I’m good. Got some sleep and wrote my review of last night.”

“Oh dear, I have to ask did we fare well?”

“Prideful got a review as mediocre as their performance…”

Prideful was their opener last night, Rum had heard their set and was as unimpressed as most of the audience, but he tried to maintain the tact he’d employed in his conversation with Belle last night.

“Aye, well they didn’t shine last night, what was your opinion on the head liners?”

“Oh you want to know what I wrote about Three Sheets?”

“If you don’t mind telling me, I’ll wait for the review like everyone else, but I’m a beast for spoilers.”

Rum heard the rapid tapping of a keyboard and then Belle cleared her throat.

“Three Sheets brought the house down with their mix of rum soaked shanties and pirate metal.”

“Is that what you wrote in your review?”

“A direct quote of part of it.”

“Bloody hell Belle, I’m over the fecking moon, thank you, thank you so much. I feel like I should rush off and tell the guys.”

“Why aren’t you?”

“Because, because I’m talking to you and that’s more important than telling the guys about an amazing review.”

There was a beat of silence where Rum worried he’d been too sappy, he could hear Belle draw in a deep breath.

“Rum, I like you. I like you a lot and I want to go on many dates with you, and I want to have sex with you today, if you are okay with that.”

“What? Sorry did you just…”

“I propositioned you. I like you Rum and I would like to have sex with you, but I don’t see why we should dance around each other for a few more weeks going on nice dates when we could be grown-ups about this and have what I suspect will be mind-blowing sex as soon as possible. I’m being honest about what I would like to happen between us, please be honest with me if I have crossed a line with you…”

“No, no no no, I mean yes, yes, Belle! I would very much like to do exactly as you have suggested.”

“Are your flatmates listening at the door?”

“I wouldn’t put it past them.”

“Okay, so shall we agree to have ‘coffee’ in about half an hour at my place?”

“Gimme an hour and I will, erm, meet you for coffee at your place.”

“See you soon Rum.”

“Bye for now Belle.”

Rum spent a good few moments staring at his phone in shock. Had that really just happened? Yeah, it had, Belle had invited him over to her place for sex in the middle of the afternoon. Bloody hell! He bounced from his bed and hurled himself into the bathroom. He showered fast and managed to slow down enough to shave without slitting his throat. As he brushed his teeth he studied his reflection and wondered what it was that Belle saw in him? He forced the self-doubt away and tried to let himself trust that Belle knew what she wanted.

As he rushed back into his bedroom Killian called his name from the lounge, but Rum ignored him and pulled his best jeans out of the closet, what shirt should he wear? Should he take an overnight bag? Would Belle want him to stay? Killian appeared in the doorway.

“What’s got you in such a flap?”

Rum sighed and pulled on a long sleeved tee.

“I’m meeting Belle for coffee in half an hour.”

Killian sniffed and folded his arms across his chest as he leaned against the door frame.

“And since when does coffee make you blush like that?”

Rum hung his head and mumbled; “When it’s not really coffee.”

Killian grinned at him and vanished from the doorway, Rum could hear him shuffling around in his room. He had no idea what his mate was up to so he threw a change of clothes into his rucksack and sat down on the edge of his bed to lace up his boots. A strip of bright foil landed on the duvet beside him, ah, well that explained what Killian had been doing in his room.

“Thought that would save you a trip to the drug store.”

“Cheers mate.”

Rum stuffed the condoms into his rucksack and stood up. Killian thoughtfulness meant that Rum wouldn’t be late in getting to Belle’s place. 

“Will I do?”

Killian gestured for him to turn on the spot.

“You’ve got a bit of soap by your ear.”

Rum swiped at the spot and cleaned away the trace of foam. Killian nodded.

“Now you’ll do. Have a good time.”

Killian gave him a leering wink and clapped him on the back as he moved towards the door. Dave was on his way back in with a load of groceries, Rum danced past him.

“Hi Dave. Bye Dave.”

Dave frown in confusion as the door banged shut behind Rum. One look at the grin on Killian’s face gave him a good idea of what was going on.

“Belle?”

“Aye Belle.”


End file.
